Old Chisholm Trail

Old Chisholm Trail
Immortalia, Oscar Brand, llewtraH
Come along boys and listen to my tale,
A jigging and a frigging on the old Chisholm Trail.
chorus: Come tie my root around a root around a tree,
Come tie my root around a tree.
I come out of Alice with the longhorn cattle
On a ten-dollar horse and a forty dollar saddle.
Sitten in the saddle with my hand on my dong,
Shooting jism on the cattle as we ramble along.
Boss says "Cowboy, you better shove,
The steer you shot was my own true love."
I jumped in the saddle and the saddle wasn't there,
And I shoved seven inches up the old gray mare.
I'm lying in bed and counting sheep,
They look so pretty, I just can't sleep.
With my ass in the saddle and my pecker all sore,
I spied a little lady in the whorehouse door.
I reached in my pocket and pulled out a penny,
She says, "For that you not getting any."
I reached in my pocket and pulled out a nickel,
She says, "For that, you don't even get a tickle."
I reached in my pocket and pulled out a dime,
She says, "Young man, you're just wasting time."
I reached in my pocket and pulled out a quarter,
She says, "Young man, I'm a minister's daughter."
I reached in my pocket and pulled out a half,
She didn't say a word, just started to laugh.
I reached in my pocket and pulled out a dollar,
She took my hand and put in in her collar.
I reached in my pocket and pulled out a five,
She said, "Come inside, we'll see if you're alive."
I rode her standing, I rode her lying,
If I'd a had wings, I'd of of fucked her flying.
I went to the doctor for my pecker was sore,
He said, "God Damn! It's the same damn whore."
The Doc took a look and then said, "Cough."
I coughed so hard my balls fell off.
Put away your holster, put away your gun,
Your barrels been breached, and your shooting's done.
The next time I seen her, she was shitting on the floor,
And the wind from her ass blew the cat out the door.
The next time I seen her, the weather was hot,
And the roaches run right out of her twat.
The next time I seen her, the weather was cool,
She was fucking herself with an entrenching tool.
I went down to the cellar to get some cider,
There I saw a cockroach jacking off a spider.
I went down to the cellar to get some gin,
There was that cockroach at it again.
The last time I seen her and I ain't seen her since,
She was jacking off a man through a barbed-wire fence.
(Ft. Ord 1953)
(Immortalia)
I rode out of Alice on an October morn,
My horse was a gelding and I had a raging horn.
We didn't reach town till winter, eighty-two.
My ass
was a draggin' and my pecker was too.
I went hunting tail for a prlor house whore.
I didn't have enough so she kicked me out the door.
Reached in my pocket, took out six bits;
She said, "Young man, you can flick my tits."
Reached in my pocket, pulled out a buck;
She said, "That's more like it, now let's fuck!"
I gave her the dollar and she took it in her hand.
She said, "Young men, will you long pecker stand?"
I jumped off my horse, and bolted the door.
She said, "Come and get me, I'm a damn fine whore."
I grabbed right ahold and I threw her on the grass.
My toe-hold slipped and I rammed it in her ass.
I fucked from the rear; I fucked from the front.
I fucked her up the ass when I wore out her cunt.
Lying or standing, she's a buckaroo's dream.
I fucked her nearly senseless and I filled her up with cream.
I paid another dollar and I got another ride;
Put my cock inside of her and couldn't feel the side.
The hair on her pussy was a strawberry brown
And the crabs on her belly were jumping up and down.
Took my old pecker to the watering trough;
Washed him and I scrubbed him till his head fell off.
The next time I seen her, she was floating down a stream
With a belly full of clabber and a cunt full of cream.
The sun shone down on the nipples of her tits;
I knew she was a whore and I didn't give a shit.
The next time I saw her, she was jacking off my hound,
And the jaws of her twat were drippin' on the ground.
Her tits hung down like a pair of wooden buckets,
And her cunt stunk so bad, my dog wouldn't fuck it.
The next time I saw her, she was jacking off her brother;
The crabs on her ass were fucking one another.
Her cunt was so big that no man alive could screw it;
A cart-horse saw it and he went right to it.
The next time I saw her, she was standing by the door,
And the hair from her cunt hung down to the floor.
So I grabbed her by the neck and I threw her on the grass,
Then I stretched her cunt from her navel to her ass.
So I grabbed her by the waist and I threw her on the bed,
But the wind from her ass killed my dog stone dead.
The last time I seen her 'fore I went back on the trail,
And the drippings from her cunt left a track like a snail.
I saddled up my horse and we hit the cattle trail,
Never thought no more of that greasy piece of tail.
Spent three nights in a bedroll full of fleas,
So damn cold that I thought my balls would freeze.
Five days later and my prick turned blue;
I ran to the doctor and he don't know what to do.
So I went to another and he said, "Cough!"
And I coughed so hard, both my balls fell off.
In about nine days, I looked for to see;
Chancres on my pecker were big as a pea.
He said I'd got a bad case of the red, white and blue;
Crabs, lice, and crawlies and the whole damn zoo.
Red with the itching and blue with the clap;
White where it's falling off and won't grow back.
Got ointment for the itching and my pecker turned green.
Doc said I'd got the worse dose of pox he'd ever seen.
The whore found out, and called me a kid;
Told me to remember her, and by God, I did.
Gave me some lotion and my pecker went black.
It might have cured the chancres but my ball began to crack.
"Well," said the doctor, "I'll tell you what I'll do.
Gotta saw your pecker off and both balls too."
Guess you won't go whoring and you'll never get a wife."
Then he sawed off my manhood with his mule-skinning knife.
I met a whore in Alice and she gave me the syph.
My balls dropped off and I can't get stiff.
A cart-horse saw it and he went right to it.
The next time I saw her, she was standing by the door,
And the hair from her cunt hung down to the floor.